[50] Days of Germany

As of today I only have fifty days left in Germany. That's right. Fifty days. Like what? Where did the time go? I'm not sure, but if you find it, please tell it to SLOW DOWN! or SPEED UP! depending on the day and my current view on the situation. 

I don't even know where to begin with how I feel. Because first off, I'm so excited to see my family and friends and american food again! But then again, I'm so devastated to leave my family and friends and german food here. It's like I'm torn in two, half of me just wants to be home, and the other half never wants to leave. 

I read a quote the other day, and I'm going to change it a bit to make it more accurate for my situation, but it went a little like this:

I built a life for 17 years and left it for 10 months; then I built a life for 10 months and left it forever.Which was harder? 

I'm gonna guess the second. Even at my hardest times in Germany, when I was missing America, I knew that in a matter of months I would be going back home. Back home where I know how everything works and I can talk without having to plan it all out beforehand and I don't have to rely on other people to explain everything to me. But when I get back to America, and I start missing Germany, I won't have the knowledge of one day being home again to comfort me. I will never again get to experience this life fully. Even if I come back to Germany, I won't be able to see all of my friends again. I won't get the chance to get into a daily routine with my host family again. It just won't be the same.
And that is why I am choosing to focus on the "I never want to leave" feelings right now. Instead of counting the days down to when I get to go home, I'm keeping track of the days I have left. I'm making to most of the next 49 days. And there will be plenty of time for my "I just want to be home" feelings when I get home. It's okay to look forward to things in the future, but you can't forget to make the most of things today.